“Good friends are like stars, you don’t always see them, but you know they are always there”
Now this post may be a bit all over the place but hopefully something somewhere will make sense to you.
Friendship is something I’ve had to give lots of thought over the past few months.
It’s something I have never been great at. I may have known and spoken to lots of different people but I never really had that group of close knit friends that enjoyed all getting together to go on adventures and make memories. I always only had 1 or 2 friends that I would do things with, and this is something I still struggle with to this day. In fact I probably struggle more with it now.
Friendships come and go.
We all have different journeys we want to take. That’s just life. But as you get older not only do friends become harder to hold onto, they also become harder to make.
Maybe I’m missing something but where as a 22 year old do you go to make proper friends?
My mental health affected my social life.
I know I speak about my mental health a lot on my blog, and you are probably fed up of hearing it now but it’s important to keep speaking about these issues so that more and more people understand and honestly it’s had a big impact on my friendships.
My depression and anxiety has made it difficult to have the social life of a stereotypical 22 year old.
I can make plans with friends and be really excited for them but right at the last moment my mind will switch to not wanting to do anything, or see anyone, and just lounge about or sleep. It’s difficult to get out of that mind set and eventually you stop being invited to things because you become the ‘let down’ friend. Its difficult to explain to the friends you’ve let down. I don’t understand it myself sometimes so how can I make my friends understand.
Then there’s making friends. My anxiety about going to new places and meeting new people really gets me. It’s something I’ve got better at but something I still find really hard. Like I said earlier, where does a 22 year old go to actually make good friends their own age, with similar interests, that could actually be in your life for a long time.
Those are just the a few ways my mental health has affected my ability to be social and have friends.
Distancing myself from friends.
Recently I have distanced myself from friends. For my own personal growth. I still care for them and will always be there, and still want to see them we just don’t do it as often now. Sometimes it’s important for yourself to take a step back, reevaluate your life, the people in it and how they are effecting you. I’ve done this and honestly I wish I’d done it sooner. Unfortunately it has meant I socialise even less now but it allowed me to see how they affected my life and the types of friends they are to me. I still love them and value their friendships though and I hope they realise that!
Reaching out to old friends.
I have started reaching out to old friends from school and old work places. Friendships I valued a lot and that brought happiness to my life then so hopefully will now.
It can be a bit nerve racking doing this. Will they want to rekindle that friendship? Did they or do they value the friendship as much as you did? Will they think, why the hell are you contacting me now?
But honestly, some of my best memories are with those friends and I would have liked them to stay in my life so why not get that back?
Types of friends.
Something I have always found difficult when it comes to getting a group of us together is the many different types of friends I have. Most come from different social groups so mixing them together isn’t always the easiest. Also I’m sure you understand, there are just certain friendships that you want to keep separate.
Being an inconsistent friend.
Admittedly, I am not a consistent friend. I will go days without texting or calling but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to talk to you or don’t care about you. Some days I just have me own life to focus on, just like you have yours and I respect that. We are grown ups now with more responsibilities. But when push comes to shove you should know I will always be there. A text, a call or even just turning up my door, I’m always there for my friends.
I want to remind people not to cut off friendships when you get into a relationship. This has happened to me so many times and I’m sure I’m not the only one.
You need friends there for if something does ever go wrong so don’t cut them off for one person.
Also don’t let your partner dictate who you can and can’t be friends with.
A text, a call, a message.
Something I hope to come from this post is for people to think about those friends they may not have heard from for a while, or they miss, who they had great memories with and send them a message. Reach out.
Friendships are important. They can bring so much to each persons life.
Also to help others understand that those ‘let down’ friends may just be struggling with their own issues not just cancelling because they don’t care or can’t be bothered.
Remember friendships aren’t one sided either. It takes two and sometimes it can be frustrating being the only one making an effort.
“The only way to have a friend is to be one”
This was a long post today! I think I covered everything I wanted to but if not I’ve put something out there for you to think about.
I hope you’ve all had a lovely weekend!